THE LONG WEEKEND (Paul O’Brien)

 

Now the wife started getting romantic,

And asked me to show her I cared

I suggested a break in the country

Where I went to when I was being reared

Then I got out the black and white pictures

She laughed at the “mother and child”

And me dagger and me dressed as Tarzan

Got her all worked up and wild

 

SO I GOT OUT MY BEAVER CLUB BADGES

AND PINNEN THEM ON ALL IN A ROW

IF YOUR MOT’S IN NEED OF DIVARSION

THERE’S A PLACE DOWN IN MOSNEY I KNOW

 

So last weekend we went down to Butlins

It was just like when I was a lad

When we’d go with me aunties and uncles

As well as me ma and me da

I packed up me toothbrush and sandals

A couple of jocks and a shirt

And a pair of me best baggy trousers

In a big shopper bag from Quinnsworth

 

We went for a jant on the ghost train

For a terribly frightening ride

Some go-boys from Fatima Mansions

Were running ‘round wild loose inside

They demanded we gave them our money

They were shaping and acting quite hard

But they came off the worst in the ruction

When they tried taking the mot’s credit card

 

I’d a goo on for murdering Guinness

So I brought her to Dan Lowry’s Bar

She didn’t need too much persuasion

She’s loves an ould sup and a jar

I had seven pints and a chaser

She stuck to the ould Babysham

She laughed and called me a waster

When I threw up in some bloody kid’s pram

 

We ended up getting deported

And forcibly put on the train

They promised us crucification

If we ever tried coming again

So the next time that we take a vacation

We’ll have to go further away

So we’re going off to Fort Ventura

To celebrate next Paddy’s Day